Babysitting vs Parenting

I have a friend who has children. Every time they have to stay at home to watch their kids they say "i can't go out tonight, I'm baby sitting". In truth this bothers me immensely. I'm not sure what the thought process is behind that statement. If you are at home taking care of your own child you are not babysitting, i believe what you are doing is called parenting. Children are a joy and a blessing. If spending time with your children is a chore to you then you were probably not prepared for having them, or you are just a total shit head. Now don't get me wrong i am aware that children are not always a joy to be around. They cry, shit, fuss, and misbehave. But they are yours! They are a little piece of you running around and regardless of whatever stupid shit they do just having them is an absolute gift that not everyone gets to experience. Babysitting means at some point you get to give them back. If this is your child i have a news flash. You can't give it back. But don't worry, you do get a break at some point. Around the age of 20. Your child will grow up and hopefully at some point move out on their own. Until that point though maybe those of you that are babysitting your own children need to reconnect with your family and realize that you are luckier then some and that the years you have with them when they require constant adult supervision are some of the best years you will ever have as a parent. Because mark my words, they will hit their teens and then they will not want anything to do with you.

1. to take charge of a child while the parents are temporarily away.

9. to be or act as parent of: to parent children with both love and discipline.

Throwing shit!

Do you have stress in your life? Do you have someone in particular in your life causing you undue stress? Do you feel frustrated all the time and not have a way of expressing it to the person that is frustrating you? Well if this is the case for you i have a new flash for you. Taking it out on everyone else in your life because you can't seem to express it to the cause of you stress is not fucking cool! I understand that people are frustrating and that can be a pain in the ass. But you know whats even more ignorant then having a piece of shit cause you unnecessary stress to you day in and day out? You taking that stress out on everyone else in your life! Being stressed out all the time is stressful and i understand that, but remember who it is you are actually frustrated with / causing you to be frustrated and direct your shit towards them. Its only fair. If we all ran around town being ignorant and inconsiderate to everyone because one particular person made us mad then we would all be fucking miserable, all the time! The rest of the world, and the people in it, are not here as your waste bin for your feelings of angst and aggression. You may even find it easier to just lean on someone for support rather then beat them down. And after all that if you still really feel like throwing shit at people go to your local zoo and hang out with the monkeys, I'm sure they would be more then happy to oblige you.

It doesn't buy what?

We have all heard the saying "Money doesn't buy happiness". This obviously ignorant and blissfully naive statement had to have been coined by wealthy person. The reason i say this is because no one who is financially struggling would ever dream of saying something this abjectly stupid. Before i get bashed for this, yes i am painfully aware that if you go to your local shopping center that you are not going to find "happiness" on the shelves. I realize that there is no one particular product named "happiness". But lets not pretend that having money does not equate to happiness. Seriously. Take an impoverished family and a wealthy family and put the two side by side and measure their happiness. I am sure that the rich folks have a greater quality of life that would enable a much higher level of happiness. But i could be wrong, maybe the poor folks (struggling to make bill payments, living in a shitty low income crime infested neighbourhood, not affording food for the kids, poor education, working a shit job that they hate) are happy as pigs in shit. But somehow i doubt it.

The people who say "Money doesn't buy happiness" are more then likely rich people who ran out of shit to complain about and have started to gag on their silver spoons. Are you rich? Are you one of those ignorant dip shits who says that stupid saying? Do you honestly believe that money does not buy happiness? I have an idea. You give me some and i will gladly prove you wrong.

We All Do it

There are things that we all do in our day to day life that we like to pretend just don't happen. These are things that if we witness other people doing them we like to make a big deal out of it and talk about how gross these people are. I am as guilty as the next guy for pointing out someone being disgusting for doing something that i would do / have done on a somewhat regular basis. You all know what I'm talking about. As seen in my other posts it seems i like lists, so why break the trend? Lets list it up!

1- Picking your nose. We all do it. We all pretend that we don't, but we do. Your driving down the road, you stop at a red light, you look out your window and the person next to you looks like they are digging for gold. That could be anyone of us. Lets face it, we all pick our nose. there are stubborn little snots up there that a tissue just doesn't have the fortitude to handle. Only the hooking action of your fingernail will do. I'm not saying that its acceptable to be eating your hard earned nasal treasure, but don't judge the poor bastard you caught with their finger up their nose because you know you do it too.

2- Farting. Now this is not news to anyone. We all fart, its natural and cannot be avoided. Passing gas happens. Farting is not really the issue here. What i am talking about is when someone farts (including ourselves) for some reason we all stick around long enough to catch a good whiff of it before taking off. This one i don't really understand, despite the fact that i do it myself. What exactly is it that we are waiting for? Do any of us expect it to smell good? Or do we just hang around so that we have something to complain about? Also now that i think about it,i don't think i have ever seen someone fart and then leave where they just soiled the air around themselves? Do we enjoy the sent of our own rectal trumpet that much that we choose to marinate in it? Farting is usually quite unpleasant to be around, so why do we insist on staying around it long enough to make sure we get a solid nose full of it?

3- B O. And by this i mean body odor. Once again its one of those things that happens, natural, blah blah blah. But how many times have you noticed that you may not be as fresh as you would have hoped, or possibly forgotten the pit stick that morning and then for some reason you were compelled to smell your offensively ripe pits? Don't think no one saw that! You have done it, I have done it, almost everyone out there has done it.

4- Ass Wiping. This is one of the few gross things that we all do that i can at least think of a reason as to why we do it. I still think its very gross but i can see a functional purpose for it. We all shit, we all wipe our ass afterwards, or at least i would hope so. Now once we have wiped our ass with our little bundle of toilet paper we all take a look at our toilet paper to see how the shit smear harvest has been this pass. If you pretend like you don't do this your a liar. And here is why i think we look at our own shitty toilet paper and why i think your a lair if you say you don't. reason: I think we do this so that we can see if we have collected all our stray droppings after shitting. Once the paper comes back white then we know we are done. If its still coming back with a full harvest then we know there is still work to be done. As i said if you say you don't do this then you are either a liar or you are quite possibly walking the streets with a shitty ass.

There are lots of gross things that we would love to pretend that we don't do. But who are we kidding? we all pick our nose, fart then smell it, smell our pits, and look our own shitty toilet paper from time to time. Its part of being human. Also i suppose its a way to check out / maintain our own personal cleanliness. And besides, whats the big deal, we all do it.

When people don't like you

When people don't like you what do you do? There are a lot of different responses to this question. Some people will wonder why the other person doesn't like them, really try to figure it out, and rectify the situation. Others will simply just write the person who doesn't like them off as an asshole. I've seen some go out of their way to figure out a way to have that person learn to like them, kissing their ass until a level of acceptance has been reached. Some people will simply just break down and cry, having their self confidence shatter around them like so much broken glass. And some others just don't care. Me on the other hand i think i may be a hybrid of some of these traits.

If you truly dislike me, and only if i am aware of the fact there are several things that i am going to do.

1- First things first, i am going to attempt to figure out why you don't like me. Not because i am considerate, or in any way shape or form give a shit. Simply because i want to figure out what exactly it is about me that you don't appreciate so that i can go out of my way, each and every time i see you, to have that aspect of who i am shine through. If you didn't like me at first you are really not going to like me once i figure out exactly what it is about me you don't like and rub it directly in your face each and every time we meet.

2- I won't write you off. I will think you are an asshole more then likely, but i won't write you off. Why go through all the trouble of finding out what it is about me you don't like if i am not going to utilize this information to my benefit? Now that i know you don't like me, and why, i am going to try and spend as much time around you as humanly possible. Just to see you squirm.

3- Believe it or not i will kiss your ass. Not when it is just you and i one on one. That wouldn't make sense, when its just me and you i will be busy rubbing the parts of my personality you dislike squarely in your face. But when there are other people around i will be sweet as fucking pie. That way you will want to kill me at all times, seeing as i am such a two faced prick, but all your friends or anyone around will not understand why you hate me so much. Thus making you look like a giant, unfriendly, cocksucker!

4- Crying. Ideally this will happen. But i will not be the one crying. End goal is for you to be so frustrated with me and socially ostracized by everyone around (because they can't understand what it is about me that you don't like so vehemently) that you will eventually break down and cry. Then of course, during your public display of weeping i can swoop in and (publicly) console you, once again proving to everyone else around how unreasonable you are and how great i am.

Its sort of a vicious circle, but its how i operate. So basically the moral of the story is: Well actually i guess there are several morals here i suppose. 1)i am a vindictive asshole 2)you are probably better off just liking me 3)if you don't like me you are definitely better off keeping it to yourself as i have a 4 step plan to fuck with you in a serious way.

Wanna be friends? Either way doesn't matter to me. I'm going to have fun either way.

Relationship Advice

Once again a little disclaimer before i get to the main body of this post. I am in no way an expert on relationships. This is just my thoughts on the topic. You are more then entitled to disagree with me but if you do you are probably either an idiot or in a failing relationship at this very moment.

Here is the main key to having a successful relationship. Get your own fucking life. If you have your own life, own experience, own thoughts, and your own personality you actually may have something to contribute to a relationship. Most of the relationships that i see fail are between two people who have no separation between their lives and those of their spouses / significant others. They start off wonderful and say stupid, ignorant shit like:

"i know we spend a lot of time together but i love him/her so much i don't want to be apart"

"he/she is my best friend and my partner/lover"

"we finish each others sentences"

"i can't remember the last time i went a whole day without seeing him/her"

Let me know how that works out for you. I bet i can guess though. Usually people who say shit like that are the couple that a couple months down the road can't stand the sight of their partner. Then suddenly they are saying things like:

i need some time for myself"

"he/she is so needy"

"all we ever talk about is us!"

"doesn't he/she have any goddamn friends?"

You want your relationship to work? Then get your own fucking life! Have experiences, thoughts, feelings, and opinions that are based on something other then your partner. That way you have something to talk about other then your relationship. As much as in the beginning it may seem like nothing in your life is of any importance other then your relationship, you are sadly mistaken. Your relationship is a part of your life, not your entire life. The best way i can think of to describe it is think of your favorite food. Got it? Now eat it everyday, talk about it everyday, and carry it with you everywhere you go. Now see how much you fucking like that food after a month or two of doing this. I'm not down on relationships in any way, I'm in one. But i don't eat, sleep, and shit my relationship. I have a life, my OWN life. Don't get my wrong, I'm not selfish and my relationship is important to me. I just value it enough and have enough confidence in it to not wallow in it 24/7. The life i have separate from that of my partner enables me to have something to bring to the table. Want to have a successful relationship? Try having a life. I find it helps.

Pop Culture Lesbian

Before i even start this post i would like to say for the record that i have nothing against gay people at all, not in any way. But i do, however, have a problem with people who conveniently use sexuality interchangeably and to their advantage. Now this applies to both men and women i suppose but i don't think that i have ever witnessed a man doing what it is i am about to complain about. If you are curious to what i am talking about here is the subject of this post; The Pop Culture Lesbian.

Signs of a Pop Culture Lesbian:

1. That girl at the club who is constantly making out with other girls strictly to get the attention of the men in the club. She has no real intent on being with a woman, but she knows that the guys in the club want to see.

2. A woman touches another woman's breast and giggles as if she is doing something really naughty. A real lesbian, or even bisexual woman, will not giggle foolishly after coming in sexual contact with another woman.

3. A woman who talks about hooking up with other girls but never ever does so.

Like i said i have nothing against lesbian or bisexual women. But if you like to kiss other girls for attention, make out with other women but are disgusted with the thought of stuffing your face into a vagina, think its funny and exciting to grab another woman's boob, or do anything sexual with another woman strictly for shock value then i have news for you: You have watched one too many Britney Spears music video and are in fact a Pop Culture Lesbian. You are using a legitimate sexuality for the purpose of shock value or obtaining something for yourself, and that's just sad. Want that guy in the club to notice you and pay attention to you? Try going up and talking to him. That way he will probably be interested in having an actual conversation with you rather then just gawking at the slutty girl necking with her friend. You want to feel like you are doing something naughty or that you shouldn't do? Go steal a fucking candy bar and get caught. how's that for being naughty? Do you really need attention that bad that you are willing to pretend to be something that your not? If so next time your at the club get down on all fours and start barking like a dog. I can assure you that people will pay just as much attention to you and probably think you have just about as much class as the two obviously straight girls necking for attention.

Leave being gay up to the people who actually are. Wanna show your support? Go to their parade or something. Other then that, turn off MTV, get your shit together, and stop pretending to be something your not.